I Hope You’re Happy Stupid Oscars. I Can’t Sleep.

I finally got around to watching Parasite, the 2019 double Best Picture, Oscar award winner. Wow. I can’t tell you how much I hated this movie. THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THIS BLOG. I was going to try writing it without them, but no, I can’t do it. 

List of reasons I hated Parasite in no particular order:

It was creepy as shit. 

Don’t be fooled by other critics… there was no comedy. There were Tragedy and Horror. The end.

It gave me nightmares. No kidding. All night long I flashed on scenes and felt frightened, and this after not even finishing it. I ran from the room after I’d had enough. George, the brave soul, finished it for both of us and recapped the highlights of the last parts. I can’t tell you how glad I was that I didn’t see the end.

Ready for the hype to kick in, and bit lulled in by the beginning, I saw the parasite theme early on, and once that lightbulb went off, my mind went down dark tunnels of metaphorical places. There was an insidious evil aspect to all of it. One moment makes me gag when the father drags himself out from under the table and freezes when the couple on the sofa wake up. Just like a big ass bug would do. Fucking lurking in the shadows, they freeze, knowing they are in danger and hope they aren’t seen. This bug was 200 pounds!

The perverse happiness on the parasite mother’s face throughout. There was no humanity. Like a GD bug!

The abandonment of caution once the parasites had the big house to themselves, like they were taking over without care and devouring shit. Destroying its host. Like a virus or a colony of bugs. When I watch a movie, I don’t want to think about organized colonies of spiders, bugs, and disease.

The oral gnawing of the duct tape, trying to free her husband before she died. Like a worker ant, or soldier ant. As long as they have life, they’re doing stuff they’re ingrained to do. And how the hell did she live from that fall? She was smiley and insane and her life was awful, but she waited around for her opportunity to come back in the hell house. The imagery of her in the air between the bookcases was another shuddersome moment.

The parasite family might have been actual bugs. The way they lived, observing life, leeching off others, allowing themselves to face and NOT run from the exterminators. It’s all in a day for an insect. Part of their literal stink, their oxygen, their life.

The sewer flood. I could say holy shit, but it wasn’t holy. It was from hell. But they were living in hell. And I suppose that was the point. I get it. The distinctions between the rich and poor. They did anything to survive because they weren’t human anymore. They were existing. But the children were bright and capable, they could have made more of themselves, but no, they showed their true colors with each increasingly violent scene.

So good for you, filmmakers, for making such an impactful movie. Yes, there were as many layers as an onion to peel, but no Effing Hollywood! I don’t care! Don’t give the creep show five gold stars and pronounce it the best movie on earth when it’s bat shit crazy. I purposefully didn’t put the movie title in my blog so I wouldn’t have to look at the word on my website. And what kind of image will I post along with this critique? Do I have to look at creepy zombie and disturbing clown images now? That’s just great.

Damn, I don’t know how to get this movie out of my head. Thanks a lot for covering me in the slimy residue of a special place in hell. 

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