Is anyone else skeeved out by the Lume girl? Her weirdly sweaty face with her cocked head leaning into the camera smiling like someone jacked up on Mountain Dew talking about a deodorant for special girl places creeps the shit out of me.

I assumed the expensive product I didn’t know we needed was for all those yoga enthusiasts, but it’s not an antiperspirant. And if you’re in a cult like Bikram yoga – watch creepy video on the speedo-clad yogi on Netflix – or even attend hot yoga, sweating is like a badge.

I can’t speak to how the product works or if it works, I’m just saying that every time I see that woman on the screen, all I can think about is her weird energy talking about private parts and how much she must stink. Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest. Which, by the way, I just exfoliated (along with my face and neck) with an amazing lavender sugar scrub cube followed by a generous application of the awesome product from Belief – their Aqua Bomb. Now that’s a one-two that I highly recommend.

I hope you think I smell good – because I do.

Moving on to the commercial that makes me lunge for the remote – Karz4Kids. 1-877-Cars for Kids, 1-877-cars-for-kids, 1-877 . . . insert image of me screaming and plugging my ears. The weird kids doing a rip-off on the awesome Robert Palmer video along with the over-the-top repeat of the song is too much. And it’s always on. What is the advertising budget for this company? Since I’m thinking millions, I’m wondering why they just don’t donate that money to the charity. Cause it is a charity, right? Ah, wormhole, I’ll be right back. Yeah, it’s a charity for kids. Dur. And they have some pretty world-dominating corporate sponsors – Microsoft, Merck, HP, Allstate. I’m assuming the commercial is pretty effective, or they wouldn’t still be running after what seems like years. But enough already!

Just in case you’re wondering, there are some commercials I love. I could watch Peyton Manning sell anything. His delivery is awesome, his sense of humor sings. The – I love me a saucy sheriff – from Bush’s Baked Beans makes me smile every single time. Another ad campaign that just never gets old is from Progressive Insurance. Always clever and fresh. Another bad boy is Mayhem from the State Farm commercials. Thank you Dean Gerard Winters. Roar.

Everyone gets songs stuck in their head, but I’ve noticed that I’m particularly triggered to a brain infestation by certain songs. The Karz4Kids theme song is one. The great song Seasons in the Sun is another. And the other day I stumbled across an old throwback– Eres Tú. I’d forgotten about that gem, but for the last three days, it’s been running through my head. Eres Tú translates to It’s You.  Like . . . “the wheat of my bread – it’s you, it’s you”. Got it. I like the song, but it’s three and a half minutes long and the use of the words Eres tú take up about three minutes of it. I don’t have anything to base that on – I haven’t clocked the ratio out, but it feels correct based on the song currently circling in my temporal lobe in a phonological loop. My god, I can’t imagine me sitting there counting the uses of Eres tú in the song. Sure, I’d get hero points for supplying you with that random trivia, but you’re on your own. I dare you to listen to it.

Got any others? I’d love to make a list. Then we can make history together and really make the awesomely popular hashtag below sing.

#songsthatmakemytemporallobegonuts