I recently had the joy of sitting at the social security office for many hours, clutching my number and waiting—not patiently, for it to be called. As legal guardian for a relative, I needed to present myself with some paperwork. That’s fine, but damn, the wait was long. I made a few acquaintances, played a lot of games on my phone, read the paper, and … Continue reading Can Being Fabulous Get You Arrested?
There’s a paperclip in the butter. I’m just staring at it. A jumbo-size green one. How did it get there? We have a butter dish cause that’s how we roll. (What’s that joke? Maybe I’m butter, cause I’m on a roll? Sorry, I’m sure I got that wrong.) We’re a butter family—not margarine. Never have bought margarine, but hey, good for you if you choose … Continue reading TIME TO SMUDGE
What a trivial thing to be writing about, but I can’t stop myself! Ask anyone in my family, and they’ll tell you I’ve bored them crazy over my ongoing trashcan problem. It’s a forever problem and Kohler, you just made the shit list. I’d thought I’d found it. It was Heaven-in-an-aisle as I walked down the row of beautiful, well-made trash cans at The Container … Continue reading Beware of Kohler Trash Cans!
We recently went through four coffee makers and are on our fifth. How did that happen you ask? Good question. Part argh! Part stupid. Part what? Part shit! Oddly, after we got our fifth, I’ve been dreaming of another. The first one broke. Just wouldn’t turn on one day. Its job is to turn on, but no. It stopped cooperating. The second one was purchased … Continue reading The Great Coffeemaker Puzzle. Do We Have Gremlins?
“George,” I yelled down the stairs. “Did you re-set the user name and password for the bank?” I waited patiently at the top, not wanting to deal with the puppy gate and the need to tread down to the construction zone which is currently our basement. No answer. Argh. I pushed the rambunctious dog out of the way and closed the gate securely behind me. … Continue reading The Password is What?
I just made that up. Apparently, it’s not a real holiday. But wait for it. There is a much better one. Today, April 17, is Blah, Blah, Blah Day. That’s right! It’s copyrighted too! (So I suppose I should site the owners, Wellcat.com.) Blah, Blah, Blah Day is supposed to reference the Honey-Do list. Like, “Blah, Blah, Blah,” (insert your hubby’s name here) as he … Continue reading It’s Try Not to Kill Your Dog Day!
“I’ve been thrown out of better bars than this!” Dixie shouted over her shoulder. “Me too,” I smiled, recollecting the last time I got together with this same group. The bartender was not overly amused, but I certainly was. And that’s all that matters. Three friends and I recently took a trip to my lake house and my, we had a wonderful time. No run-ins … Continue reading Girl’s Trip! Yay!
Bit-O-Honey is a heavenly, honey-flavored taffy that in five years will celebrate one hundred years on the planet. Thank God. To my surprise, I recently discovered that many people have Bit-O-Honey stories. Pearson’s Candy should get on this and have a contest for the Best Bit-O-Honey stories for the grand Bit-O-Honey Century Celebration which I’m certain will take place in St. Paul. I recently participated … Continue reading Bit-O-Honey Packs an Emotional Punch
Have you done the challenge? Go to the Google Machine and enter the words: Florida Man, and your birthday. For example, Florida Man April 28. It’s super fun. Watch what pops up! It’s like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon game. Bizarre and true. Apparently, someone recognized that on any given day of the year, someone in Florida is going bat-shit crazy. If you put … Continue reading The Florida Man Does Not Disappoint!
Argh, why! Wait, I know. Winter has been a bitch this year and we were dumb enough to purchase a home at the bottom of a hill. So who’s to blame? Winter, laughing her maniacal ass off as she dumps a record amount of snow onto us, or George. And the realtor. I’m not taking any blame for this. When we moved to Minnesota, I … Continue reading Damn you, Winter! My Basement Flooded!