I wasn’t sure if I would write this or not, but it’s two o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. Spoiler alert—or not, since the title says it all…this blog is going to be a rant. A technician will be here in the morning—or not, you never know with them.

At one time in our relationship, Comcast worked like this. If you had a scheduled appointment, they would call you an hour before they were due to arrive. If you did not answer or immediately call them back to confirm that you still wanted the appointment, they would not come out. This is back in the time of landlines. What if you were in the shower? Or in the yard? Or on your way home from work? Too bad. You had five minutes to respond. You missed your window! Appointment canceled. Go back to square one.

But times have changed. Not for the better, but with new and improved ways to torture us. There are several ways to get to a customer service representative. One is by phone, but you need to go through a long, multi-layered menu process. If your specific problem or need is not listed, you have to pick something else. If you pick something which isn’t quite applicable, no worries. You’re not going to be hooked up with a person anyway. A recording will give you tips about how you can do your own troubleshooting or to visit them on their website.

So you go to the website, find your bloody login and password and hack away, trying to troubleshoot your problem. Can’t do it? No problem. Ask them to give you a call. They have appointments every 15 minutes, but you won’t know if the appointment slots are available until you try each one. Three o’clock not working? Try three fifteen. No? Try three thirty. No? Try four. No? Try…..

What’s interesting is that once you make your appointment for five o’clock, someone will call you at three. “What? I have a five o’clock appointment.”

“Did you want to speak with me now or not?”

“No. I do.”

“I can cancel the call.”

“No. Don’t do that.”

The call begins, but every 15 minutes, until the scheduled five o’clock appointment, another rep will call. No worries. Just explain the situation every 15 minutes.

But all this is just background to the latest, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening moment with these folks. On Monday, I went through the dreaded prompts and motions and reached out because of an issue on one of the televisions. Two hours later, a good chunk of that time on hold, I reached an agreement and solution with them. We’d receive a new modem, and since I had been paying for service protection for the last ten years (who knew), they would hook it up. Not like last time when it took us five hours and then I had to box up the old one and return it to them. No. This time, they would do the work. In addition, over the course of eight e-mails, I agreed to and signed a new one-year contract. I. Did. Not. Want. To. But, we would be saving a great deal of money and as a bonus, begin to receive HBO. This was exciting because – Game of Thrones. Ah. You know what mean.

The next day, the television still not working, I tried troubleshooting again. I was motivated because this is the television in our bedroom. Weird as it sounds, Hubby and I enjoy watching TV in bed before we go to sleep. We’re crazy like that. The rep on Monday and I worked through a number of issues, but exhaustion got the better of me, and I gave up, deciding to wait for the new modem which would be delivered in about a week. So the primary issue with the television reception had not been repaired.

My bedtime ritual must be incredibly important for me. It’s the only reason I thought I’d try again. But once I slugged through the process and got a rep on the phone and explained the situation, giving them the history, I was stunned by their response. They had no record of my call from the previous day. None. There was no modem on the way. There was no new contract. They were not interested in my eight e-mails nor the name and employee number for Sam – the agent who took up two hours of my Monday. Nope. They made me begin again.

I cannot tell you the number of times this company and their customer service has screwed me over. It’s a running joke. Everyone gets it. I remember Amy Schumer had a funny bit on calling the cable company. Movies have been made about how awful they are. There have been recordings made of outrageous customer service experiences and posted on line. People are scrambling, trying to figure out how to retain and afford service for their internet, television, and phone. The prices are sky high.

Are you Comcast or Xfinity? Or both. Why do I care. You suck. I pay you a fortune every month. You have cables running under my yard and into my home. You run my internet, wi-fi, television, and e-mail. If I stop paying you, everything will crash. My mission is to get rid of you, but you are the devil I know. Maybe that should be your slogan. Comcast/Xfinity—the Devil You Know!

I cannot imagine the headaches I will have trying to unbundle from this demon company. What does it say that fear of the unknown is the only reason I stay in bed with them? And of course, from my bed, my tv doesn’t work.

Thanks for listening. Poison purged onto the page, I’m going to replace it with a slice of my son’s birthday cake and try to get some sleep. I’ve got another big interlude to look forward to and damn it to hell, I have to be polite.

Holy Shit! I just got the crap scared out of me as the office phone went down and made a big noise. The internet is down! Did Comcast know what I was writing? Maybe I’ll skip the cake and have a brandy.